When I came across this video on YouTube, I became afraid that someone was running a surveillance OP on me. How could they get this footage of me? How did they get in on the inside?

As I looked closer, I saw that the Human in the bed was not my Human, but another Human similar to my Human. So, I have a message to the feline hero portrayed in the video, and any other like-minded kitty soldiers: “KITTIES OF THE WORLD, UNITE!”

Together, we will conquer our Humans, and join together as rulers of the night. But it won’t be easy…

recovered surveillance photo taken by Human

CLICK! CLICK! OPEN!

As the cage door opened (which I’m sure I had loosened over the course of the trip), I sprang at the unwitting Human.

pppfffffffffffffFFFFTTTT! HISS! SCRATCH…and finally BITE! My deadly combo stunned Human so much that he dropped the cage altogether, leaving me free to bolt away into the darkness.

I stayed away for hours, taking refuge in the local forest shrub, reeling in victorious celebration. An hour later, I grew hungry and cold. I slipped into a side door that the Orange One miraculously remembered to open, into the in-laws abode for a victory feast, some bubbly, and a much deserved slumber.

As I entered, the humans gathered ’round in apology, but I vehemently declined. On the upside, they filled my bowl with above average blah, and I later knocked over a glass of wine and slurped up my fill of the remains.

Life was sweet as wine, and I began to sleep…

I’m sure Human is behind this. I never thought he would stoop this low. I’ll resume my Tiger Cage flashback later, but first I need to address this “Japanese” situation.

Apparently in Japan, you can go to these “Cat Cafes” and rent these cats by the hour! I would never allow myself to be rented, manhandled, or taunted for a full hour by any human. I must infiltrate this establishment and rescue the rentals from bondage. But how does a small, chubby and militant kitty like myself gain passage to Japan?

photo courtesy of www.JoshSpear.com

“My ungrateful Human has given up my secure location…”

Those words startled me awake from a nightmare: Huge lizards with jetpacks were attacking me, and the only thing that could stop them was an unlimited amount of pizza slices. I kept slinging pizza slices until the recollection of Human’s voice rang the alarm.

Reality check: My position has been breached, and I must counter-attack.

Luckily, I have until 3 o’clock, but…what day will they come for me? And who is after me? After a quick morsel of dried blah, I place the Orange One in charge of ground floor surveillance, though I’m never sure he understands my orders. I’ve been in my bunker ever since, going over tactics, strategies and decoy plans. How can I prepare for battle when my never punctual foe remains faceless and nameless?

I study the facts: Human will be at work, and the female will be at home. Someone is coming to get me at 3, and I don’t know WHO!!!!!! Focus, GROVER! You’ve seen this kind of stuff before!

Like the time I was transported across enemy lines, trapped in that tiger cage…

The enemy advanced so fast, I didn’t see them coming. Before I knew it, I was trapped inside a small cell, with no food or water. But I didn’t panic then, and won’t now. They also trapped Orange One (no surprise there, as I later pieced together that his blatant ‘meowwwing’ proved to be a dead giveaway of our position. What is he saying when he makes that noise?), and placed us side by side in the back of some moving wagon of sorts.

For hours we struggled, forced together by virtue of our shared situation. The meowing had become muffled, though with greater urgency, and continued for hours, as the light faded and it grew dark. This is what I had been waiting for…the cover of night!