Somehow the word has leaked out regarding the whereabouts of my secret hideout. VandelayDesign.com has exposed me to my enemy by siting this line of communication on their website. Apparently my plans of escape are so well crafted that I’m getting notice within the independent media. No surprise there. After all, I’m a highly skilled attack machine possessing the strategic wit and reflexes like that of a cat.

I’ll have to create some distracting interference in order to keep my owners from discovering this. I know—I’ll start walking upright for the next several days! This will keep my owners off their computers, scratching their heads while they try to figure out what’s wrong with me. Nice try, Vandelay, but General Grover will not lie down that easily (unless you scratch my belly)…wait…focus Grover…never!!

I hate when Human has visitors. They sit in my favorite cushy spots. Interrupt Human’s schedule so I don’t get fed on time. And worst of all, they insist on cathandling me—picking me up, rubbing my ears, petting my tummy…

I’m sorry, but that’s just rude. I do not let strangers touch me. Especially if they haven’t even bothered to butter me up with treats first! But scratch them one time, and Human banishes me from the room.

It’s just not fair.

So you can imagine my displeasure when Human’s parents showed up on Friday. And stayed—all weekend.

Oh, I tried to be on my good behavior. I kept my claws sheathed when Human’s mom booted me from my favorite mealtime begging spot next to Human’s plate.

Resisted the urge to bite when Human’s dad woke me from a sound sleep and tossed me off the couch so he could sit down.

I even tolerated it when Human’s mom picked me up and planted a big wet kiss on my whiskers—leaving a foul smelling lipstick stain behind.

But when nighttime rolled around and they kicked me out of my room—the one with the fluffy feathery comforter Human bought just for me—it was on.

I spent the night plotting my revenge. I thought about peeing in the clothes box they brought with them, but I knew that would just earn me a week without treats. Then I considered ripping up the comforter they had stolen from me—those floaty feathers have always looked pretty tempting—but then realized I’d only be depriving myself of my favorite sleeping place.

That’s when I thought of it. The ultimate revenge.